Angel Maudsley

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I was raised in some ways a Southern Baptist and my family's way of worship was a show. We would raise our arms and voices high with "Amens" and praises to the Lord. The preacher would stand up there and say "any that want to be a child of Jesus come on up here and let me lay my hands on you and give you Jesus." So at the young age of five, I raised my hand and I said with tears in my eyes, "I want Jesus." I went up to the pulpit and cried as the preacher laid his hands on my head to give me Jesus. I remember at that time that I really wanted Jesus Christ as my friend.

My devotion to Christ was a very difficult path to tread. Though my momma tried she found it more and more difficult to be "in the world and not of the world." So as time went on, my mother fell to the temptations of the flesh. She started drinking and started having several new men in her life. As her drinking got worse so did the men she would fall in love with. She became an alcoholic, and the men she had were too. Not only did they have drinking problems, they also had sexual problems. I found that I had been raised in a family that was very seriously deficient. I was left alone, abused, hungry, and left with out something or someone to show me the way. So this lead my life on a really painful path. I too found myself making some of the same mistakes my mother made, and I found myself struggling with the traditions of the parents. How does one overcome the world without help? I did not know. After I had finally had enough of the suffering of the wild side, I decided to try again to have Jesus Christ as my friend. But by now I was sure he would not accept me, for by now my sins were great. In my eyes I had betrayed the trust in God I once as a child. So in a lot of ways I was very frightened he would not want me. I was stained by the world; and no one, not even Christ, could take away the things I had done. I wondered what my life would be like if I became religious. I was certain it would be boring.

Well there was something in the back of my mind that kept calling me. I did not know quite what it was. As time went by, it got louder and louder to the point that I could no longer ignore it. I realized it was Christ himself calling me to repent. He would say things to me like "This is not the way you want to live your life." "I want you to change and come follow me." It was very painful because I did not want to change. I was steeped in the ways of sin or the world and I found joy in it (not really); but at the time it seemed as though I enjoyed it. Besides I was free from any accountability. I had no one to answer to. I could do whatever I wanted and no one was there to tell me I was wrong.

There was a new thing that I began to learn about that. It is: God sees all things, and I have a conscience. Up to this point I had not given my own personal conscience much attention. It began to hurt and to cause me much pain. I had no choice but to look at it, for it was causing me to much distress to just ignore. As I took the time to look at myself and the direction my life was going I realized that I was very much in need of a Savior. I thought to myself, "Where do I find this man, and who is there to lead me to him?"

So I turned to what seemed to me at the time as the only true place to begin the -- LDS church. I had evaluated the Christian churches I had grown up with, and in a lot of ways they left me wanting. I said, "If Christ is the example, then I must look for something like he established in the meridian of time." The only people I knew of at that time that were even close were the LDS. Well to make this a little shorter, I will tell you that I started going to the meetings and trying hard to do all that God wanted of me, that I might be worthy of his presence in my life even to repent of my sins before him.

One day as I was kneeling by my bed in prayer to do the very thing He asked of me (repentance), I said, "My Savior, can I please have you here with me for just a minute, for there is something I want to tell you, and I want to ask you something." Just as soon as I got the words out of my mouth, the Savior Jesus Christ appeared before me. I could not see him with my natural eyes, but I knew beyond any doubt that God was there. He said, "What is wanted my child?" I then began to clear my conscience of all my sins and iniquity before him. I said, "Christ would you please forgive me of my sins before you?" He said, "My child, thy sins are forgiven thee." I told him thank you, and I asked him for a favor. I said, "Lord I have tried for a long time to quit smoking, and I have found that I have not the strength to do it. I would like to know if you would please release me from this bondage that I am in?" He then nodded his head yes, and then he left. I was left with a very sweet spirit. I know that God had been there with me.

That night while I was asleep God gave me a very special dream. In this dream I was walking down the sidewalk. A part of the walkway was bowed up. As I was walking I had not noticed the sidewalk bowed up, and I tripped and hit my mouth and nose on the hard cement. It was bleeding and it hurt. As I looked up, Christ stood before me. He knelt down; and with hanky in hand, began to wipe away the blood from my face. Great love and kindness radiated from his person. He loved me, and he was there to clean away the hurt and pain of this mortal existence. I then woke up. I came to realize that God would always be there for me, and he indeed would forgive me.

After that, I tried harder to seek God and to meet Christ. I devoted myself to service in the LDS church. After much service and prayer I came to realize I was going nowhere. It seemed as though I kept learning the same things over and over again. I thought, "Why am I not being taught?" "Where are the mysteries I had read about in my scriptures, and why did everything feel dead." One day I was in the foyer of my church building and something inside of me said, "This is not the Fullness of the Gospel." Then I said, "If this is not the Fullness, then where is it?" As I sat in the temple one day, I sought for greater understanding. I was in the Celestial Room and I said, "God, if this is your church, then why can't I have you with me?" See, I had greater spiritual experiences outside of the temple then I did when I was in the most holy of place in the temple. I could not understand why. So I began to read and ask questions.

One day I had a good friend explain to me WHY. He showed me how the LDS church had forsaken their founding principles. All that was required to bring about the presence of the Lord was gone. I was so very hurt. I asked myself how could God let such a thing happen? Has God forsaken his people? Where was God? The questions went on and on. If felt like God had given up on all of his children.

I went through this for a few years. I begged God to hear my prayers and lead me. For I could not believe God would leave his children without a prophet to help them back home. By then I had sought out some of the people who where called Independents. Some had some good stuff but to my pain and sorrow I could find no one who God would let me know he supported. Then one day a friend of mine invited me to come with him and see another independent who had angels come and see him. He was putting on a lecture to tell about his experience. I was so leery about going. I did not want to hear another crazy guy talk.

I was talked into going. I came to Manti and listened to this man talk about his experiences with God. Something burned within my soul. I could not understand it. What was happening to me? I sat there and listened to this man and asked God, "Is this your prophet?" Could it be that God really did not forsake his children? What was here for me to learn? That night I had the honor of being able to sleep at Jim Harmston's home. I had to know if he was a prophet of God. So before I went to bed I asked Jim, "Do you think we could all pray together?" He said, "Sure." It was a very wonderful thing as we knelt there. I got something I had never before had -- a witness from God that He did not forsake his children, and this man was God's servant. I struggled with this for many weeks. Many questions - like running water - were pouring into my mind.

I was so taken in by all this that I needed help, even a blessing from someone that I had confidence could help me. I called and asked one of the men if he would come to my house and help us. I really needed someone to talk to. He said he would. I kept asking myself, "Are these God's apostles?"

That day as I waited for those men to come to my house, a scripture came to my mind:

Whoso receiveth you receiveth me; and the same will feed you, and clothe you, and give you money." (D&C 84:89)

This burned like fire in my soul. I set out to make lunch for these men. If they were really God's apostles then me feeding them would touch their hearts. When they got to my home, they sat down. I looked at them and again felt the thing that was so very new to my understanding -- a witness from God. I did not realize what was happening to me. All I knew is I was having some really powerful spiritual experiences. I said to these men, "I made you lunch." One of them look at me and he said "You did?" I said, "Yes are you hungry?" He said, "Yes I am." As he looked me in the eyes and said, "Yes I am", I fell in love with this man; and I new he was an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I still had other things that I had to deal with, but I could no longer question Jim Harmston and Randy Maudsley or any of the other men. I knew God had sent them once again to gather God's elect, redeem Zion, and to teach God's children how to return to His presence.

I have been in Manti now for 4 years. I am married now to that wonderful man I fed, and I am devoted to the same cause that he is -- to redeem Zion, gather God's elect, and build up the kingdom of God. I would and will give my life to this cause. There is nothing in my life more important to me then God and his work. I would lay down my life for this.

You know, I have learned something really great by all that I have gone through and seen since I came here. God's prophets and apostles are men, just like everyone else. They are Man on earth serving God. There is, though, one thing that sets them apart from the rest. They will serve God with all their heart, might, mind and strength. They will give up the world, it's ways, and Glory and; they will do all things according to God's Will in a moment. Because of this God will give them the Fullness of his Priesthood Power and Glory even that they might redeem Zion.

I am grateful that I came here and that God found it in his heart to send his servants one last time to help save a dying world. I have had many great and marvelous experiences since I came here. Well, you might ask your self the question, "Have you got to see Jesus Christ like you wanted?" Well readers, I will tell you and bare solemn Witness and Testimony to you that YES I have seen Christ and I have felt his person in my presence. I know that he lives and he is with us. We are His People, we do the works He does, and we look forth to His coming in glory.

I am grateful to be able to share this with you. I hope I can help you in your search for God. If you look for Him you will find Him. He is always before us. It is we who won't look to see. May God bless you, I pray. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Master. Amen.