Hello [Name Withheld],
I'm sorry to hear that the heat has turned up on your testimony and family situation. You must have figured in the back of your mind that this response from your wife was certainly a future event, at least as one of several possible reactions she could have made. First of all, this comes as no surprise at all to me. The background you gave me led me to feel that this was a possible negative response you would probably receive from her. Let's establish some important points:
#1. The restored Gospel is verily true.
#2. The LDS Church and people have gradually apostatized from their mission to establish Zion and become the salt that salts the earth,ie. becoming a royal priesthood.
#3. By fore-ordination and Elect status, some are being awakened to gather with the remnant to establish the keys and work of Joseph Smith. This is the work that the remnant was prophesied to do in light of the apostasy of the Mother Church. This is not new news in Israel's path through the last 6,000 years; and why the LDS cannot consider that apostasy 'could' be taking place is beyond me. It is sooo' obvious to those enlightened by the Spirit of truth.
#4. Not all of those in or out of the LDS Church are the Elect by promise. This sets up a situation of trial for those whose faith and fore-ordination is not as tightly bound as the Elect. Many of those people in this category will accept the truth and follow it BUT, they have to strive for it, study, pray and exercise GREAT faith. Also, they must always be guided by strong leadership and example from one who is strong in the covenant.
#5. Many there are and will be that will reject the truth even when it is presented in plainness because of tendencies mentioned in #4. The cares of the world and fear of persecution virtually eliminates their numbers. When it really comes down to it, they love and trust the tangible world and its leaders greater than they trust the Living God.
#6. Your wife has made solemn covenants to obey the Law of her husband. If you are following God's true leadership and you give her counsel to follow you implicitly and she rebels, then she has broken her covenants or is in the process of doing so. Here's the order: Man follows the Law of Eloheim. Woman follows her husband. That is the order in time and in eternity. Just because the world is in rebellion to this simple law does not mean that is isn't still the path of deliverance for God's people. The LDS Church has lost this knowledge and actually changed the words in that covenant as you know.
#7. She must seek a witness of the Holy Ghost as to following you or not. That is first. She must decide to follow your leadership or reject your leadership. Testimony of the doctrines or LDS apostasy is truly secondary to this first reality. God will give her a witness to both if she is willing to truly open her mind and her heart to two things: The Spirit of God and your words to her.
#8. You are in a position to either be influenced by and unbelieving wife or be influenced to keep your covenants with God. So many men that I currently know have been in your same circumstance with their wives. They forgot God and let their wives dictate, in essence, what that man should do with his time and dedication. These wives understood not God, but wanted selfishly to be in control of their husbands consciously or subconsciously. The fear of the wife and her objections were louder in the man's ears that the word of the Lord. And what is the result? The wive's 'won' and the men are not gathered and are not doing the work of Zion and are going to be among the most miserable of creatures when the events prove out that they rejected their call to the priesthood and did not magnify their office. Hence, many are called but few are chosen.
#9. Leadership. You have to show the way by your testimony, resolve and guidance. You must forge ahead, showing your dedication to God, and only then will your wife see your conviction and love for her. She will try to say things like "If you really loved me and the kids, you wouldn't ruin our life like this. Look how hard you are going to make it for all of us." This whole reasoning is based on fear and complacency, the known world. You must hack your machete through this jungle of garbage and lead your family to Zion. Even if you start out alone. If you succumb to voices and pressures from other than God's direction, you will fail. This places your true convictions and testimony on the line also, [Name Withheld]. The Lord is going to see truly if you are willing to serve Him at all costs, even that of losing your current family. Of course, the best scenario is to see your wife have a change of heart and then submit herself to your leadership. What if that never happens? How long will you stay with Lot's wife, pleading with her to not return to the city of Sodom? Will you also risk being turned into a pillar of salt? Remember, Lot's wife's heart wanted to be back in the city with all her known friends and comforts and fashions; she would not let them go. I'll bet that this event was real hard on Lot but he kept his covenants with God and was given additional wives and children because of his obedience under trial.
#10. Who leads the [Name Withheld] family? [Name Withheld] does. Ultimately, if you make family decisions and they rebel against you, then they have broken their covenants. BUT, you must KEEP your covenants no matter who comes with you or not. That is the way all true Saints have had to be tried and proven. This is a furnace of affliction, that proverbial crossroads.
#11. [Name Withheld], if you keep your covenants, God will continue to open the doors of your deliverance. If your wife or children do not follow you, that is their decision. You must show them the way and plead with them and teach them, BUT you can't force them anywhere. On the other hand, you shouldn't be letting her force your hand out of her fear and ignorance. You are the leader of your family. It is not unrighteous dominion to give saving direction to your family and have them follow you. If your wife loves the LDS Church society and family and friends more than you or God, then there isn't much you can do after you have laid it all out to her. You have made your decision. She needs to decide if she will follow your decision and leadership. If you are right and she does not follow, then she has broken her covenant and will not belong to you in this life anyway. You will have to go back in another probation and get her and rescue her. You must see the eternal aspect of all these things. You can help her only if she wills to follow, whether in this probation or another yet future. If you do not do the work and become a Saviour on Mt. Zion, you will be in just as sad of shape as they might be, in this life or the next. If you want to save your family ultimately, you must first climb Zion's, hill, keep your covenants and become a King and Priest to the most High God. You cannot help anyone unless you are standing on higher ground.
#12. God never gives us commandments that cannot be accomplished by us. He always provides the way. It is always us who shut the door through fear.
[Name Withheld], I send God's blessing upon you to do and say the right things and keep your covenants. You tell your wife that you did not share with her everything up front because you feared her reaction, and admit that this was not the best way to do it, but that you made a human mistake. Tell her it is no mistake what you have been taught and received a witness on. Tell her that she is invited to do all she can to obtain that same witness. Tell her that she can not blame you anymore for what has happened in the past. You are now taking the reins of leadership in your family's deliverance and asking them to follow. They can get on the Ark or not. They can heed your words or not. But you must still get on the Ark even if you come alone. God is behind you, [Name Withheld]. So is Joseph and all the Holy Order. May you heed the spirit and be honest and clear with your wife and family. Give them the opportunity to hear and obey you, all this in true love towards them. True love tries to save people, not languish with them in their fears and doubts. Give direction, knowledge and leadership and then start walking in the path. If they do not follow, that is their decision, not yours. You stick with your covenants and decisions and all things will be added unto you. This is the narrow way, [Name Withheld]. I invite you to pursue it and walk in it. Your deliverance and that of many others depends on your faithfulness in these matters.
In all sincerity and humility,
Jeff Hanks