As a child there was no religion, no true God in our family. No one in my family ever believed in the divinity of Jesus Christ. They did not have a desire to search for God, especially in any established religion. I am grateful that I was allowed to search for what I believed in.

I remember that as a small child I was fascinated with anything about Jesus. I had a little friend who invited me to her church several times when I was about eight. I remember that I felt the spirit whenever they spoke of this man, Jesus. Although I don't remember their doctrine, I do remember the powerful impression I received that he was God and that I loved him.

There were painful experiences in my family and the only time I remember the name of Deity mentioned was in a vain, angry manner. My soul was starving for something that was out of reach in my life's experience.

After I left home, I wandered around looking for my soul's desire. I met a young woman in the LDS church who had a beautiful, peaceful spirit about her that I had never felt in my life. I wanted that spirit more than anything else I had ever wanted in my life.

After I was baptized that spirit fell upon me in a powerful way that changed my countenance for many months afterward. I was told by the spirit that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God and that the Book of Mormon was true. But the spirit also warned me of the apostasy of the "Mormons." This was extremely confusing to me. Nevertheless, I accepted the LDS religion as the only true church upon the earth.

For many years I endured the double messages that I was receiving, one from God, the other from the LDS leadership and members. I came to believe that there would be an integration of these someday before the Savior ushered in the Millennium, the LDS Church would reconcile its differences with God and be able to prepare a Zion people. That was the only way I could continue to go to my church meetings, which were often truly dreadful to me.

I saw many abominations in the LDS Church -- Murder of the unborn innocent, twisting of the Prophet Joseph Smith's and Brigham Young's words and ignorance of the gospel that they taught, pride, vanity, stupidity, inconsistency, injustice and favoritism. The Church seemed to go downhill step by step each year after I joined.

One thing that especially disturbed me was the insidious teaching of the children these false doctrines. They were training the children to be good Babylonians, not how to build up Zion! I was constantly on guard for my own children and had to check what they were being taught. Often they were taught vain, stupid, worldly things that had nothing to do with the scriptures, God, or building up Zion.

One day at a Fast and Testimony meeting I heard a man say "All is well in Zion." That had a profound effect on me. How could he say it and the people just nod their heads? Those who are Mormons should remember the Book of Mormon scripture;

Others will he (the devil) pacify, and lull them away into carnal security that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well - and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell. (2 Nephi 28:21)

I kept getting the feeling that I was being led "carefully down to hell," but how could it be when I was doing what I was supposed to do, as a good Mormon should? As I read more and more of the words of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, I became deeply disillusioned. The "Follow the brethren" and "be a mainstream Mormon" doctrines were opposite of what these true prophets said. Whenever I heard a Church or Conference talk that spoke of these false doctrines, I remember a sick feeling I kept getting.

How could all be well in Zion when they weren't living the Law of Consecration, Plural Marriage or believe the Adam-God doctrine? I had received witnesses of the truthfulness of these doctrines that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young taught. I also knew that these prophets had chastened the Saints over and over again for their wickedness, and that these early Saints were under great condemnation. If that was the case then, what was the state of the LDS Church now? Where was Zion and how would it be built?

My home teacher at that time noticed that I was always studying when he came by and told me "If you keep studying like that you're gonna lose your testimony." That shocked me! Why don't the LDS want people to seriously study the words of these prophets? They would rather go by their "Bishop's Handbook" and other false manuals which teach the philosophies of men mingled with scriptures, rather than receive words of true prophets.

One day in a sacrament meeting while being a good "Molly Mormon" I was suddenly hit with a terrible, dreadful feeling of coming destructions. As I watched the people about me, I had a sickening feeling of everything around me being ugly, unclean and hopeless. This foreboding became stronger and stronger with a great weight of dread upon me. Everything was wrong in the Mormon Church! But I told myself that I was having some kind of panic attack and endured the LDS Church for a few more years!

I was still vigorously holding on to the idea that somehow everything would work out with the Mormons that God would come to our rescue, and we would yet become a Zion people. That was the only solution I could come up with, even though I stopped attending the church meetings. I began to believe in my heart that God had abandoned me and the Church and I couldn't blame Him for it!

In January of 1997 I discovered the web site of the True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days (TLC) I prayed for the truth about the LDS Church. Had it really gone completely astray? The Lord told me that he had already given me the witness that the LDS were headed for total destruction and had indeed gone off course when He reminded me of my experience in Sacrament meeting a few years before.

I was transfixed by the TLC doctrine! Never before had I heard of anything that was so close to the doctrines of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. All my attention, day and night, focused on the things that I read there. I knew it was true! Many, many nights I could not sleep because I was harrowed up by the thoughts and feelings I was enveloped with. It seemed impossible, it wasn't the way I thought it would be, but I knew it was all true!

The LDS Church had to be abandoned by God because they had gone astray in every single doctrine that would build a Zion society. The light that was present when I joined the LDS Church was just a spark that I caught before it all went out, as it has now done.

The hand of God is in the TLC Church. The priesthood remains here on the earth, no longer in the LDS Church though. God has not abandoned us!

This is my testimony! The True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days is the truth! There is no other that can bring us unto Jesus Christ, our Savior and King.

I came out to the gathering place in Manti as quickly as possible. I had been drawn by the spirit often to Manti and the Temple ever since I joined the LDS Church and thought that some day I would live there. We looked for property in the area several years before, but it didn't seem like the right time.

I attended "The Models" in June of 1997 and listened to the Prophet James Dee Harmston as he taught in an unfettered, straightforward manner, with the spirit of God upon his countenance. I had never seen this manner of speech in the LDS Church. He didn't apologize for the truths he spoke! He didn't pacify with "warm fuzzies." He answered my questions without me having to ask them. I remember that morning, just before we came to "The Models" I was looking through a book that showed how the marks on the garments should be. But at "The Models" the Prophet began speaking of the marks and how he had received them from God. I was thinking, "hmmm, why were they just shown to me in that book as the other way around?" The Prophet suddenly looked exactly at me and said something like "the marks are right on our garments as they were given to me directly from God!"

I know that James Dee Harmston is a true prophet. He is the Davidic King spoken of in the scriptures to lead those who will hear his voice in the last days. I know this because the spirit has witnessed this to me. He is the voice of God upon the earth, for those who have ears to hear.

I attended the Sunday meeting the next day after "The Models." As I was listening to the testimonies of the others who were just joining the spirit fell upon me and I began to have all my sins dredged up before my eyes in large printed white letters. This began with the sin that affected me most, PRIDE, and on down. I am sorry to say that it was a long list. This was a profound experience. Humbling, to say the least, I was grateful when it was over. Then I felt the presence of a Holy Man, an angel, standing directly behind me. I looked several times but I could see no one. I felt the sensation of warm oil being poured out upon my head which flowed down and warmed me until it filled my entire soul. What joy it is to be baptized into the True and Living Church and have your sins washed clean. It is sad to think that so few will/can accept this gift. How grateful I am for the doctrine of rebaptism, because we are all in need of continual repentance. We need to be completely clean to meet the Savior.

Since I have joined the True and Living Church my experiences have cleansed, purified and focused my soul. It has been as if a magnifying glass has been placed over me and I have become aware of many thoughts and traditions that do not lead to God. The path that we in the True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days have chosen is not an easy one, it is not for the faint hearted. It is only for those who truly love God and are willing to give up all things for His love, the humble followers of Christ. For "they have all gone astray save it be a few, who are the humble followers of Christ." (2 Ne 28:14)

I am grateful that He has seen fit to allow me to be a part of the building up of Zion in the Last Days. I am grateful for the strength that I have found in the never-ending trials that I have seen in my life. In all my weaknesses He has somehow given me the ability to move forward, one step at a time, so many times when I never thought I could.

Giving up my will to God has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It is one thing to talk about it and another to actually do it! The next step is not always illuminated. The words to the song "Lead Kindly Light" come to mind;

 

Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom; Lead thou me on!

The night is dark and I am far from home; Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see,

The distant scene — one step enough for me.

 

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou shouldst lead me on.

I loved to choose and see my path; but now, Lead thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and spite of fears,

Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

How I love Him, and how I want to please Him! I say these things with tears in my eyes. I pray every day that His will be done. I pray that in your life, also. Let the spirit be my witness, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Renee King

renee@tlcmanti.org