I was raised in
the state of Utah in a family that belonged to the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints. I enjoyed church and have always
liked to pray. As a youth I rebelled against my parents and their
religion, as I began to realize that I did not understand their
religion and had no testimony in the church itself. I did, however,
believe in Jesus Christ and believed that the Book of Mormon was
true, and that it was a testament of Jesus Christ, and a true
history of the people that lived on this continent.
After a painful divorce, as a young woman I developed a growing desire to really connect with Deity, and wanted to know who my Savior was and who his Father was. I really wanted to know if there was a man out there whose love for God was the most important thing in his life and first and foremost in his life.
My search for truth began with constant prayer and searching the scriptures. I read and studied many of the books written by LDS authors and though some were very good they left me wanting, empty, still saying there is more to life and eternity than all of this warm, fuzzy stuff. I could not believe that I was going to be able to become a God in the time span of one life. There was not enough time or experience in just one lifetime, and if all was going to be revealed when we die, then why not now? Who was God to me? Why have an endowment and be taught to use the True Order of Prayer and then be told not to use it? Wait a minute, how can a single woman become a God? I had endless questions.
I went to my Bishop and was told not to meddle in things that are not for me to know. He said that is why we have Bishops and Stake presidents and men over us, to deal with those kinds of priesthood matters, and I should not be delving into the mysteries of the Gospel. Why?
I asked questions in my Gospel Doctrine class and was shunned. There were many things going on in the church that just did not add up. About this time my brother brought me some information on Adam-God. I read it and received a very powerful witness to the truth of what I had just read. I was on fire with the witness of the Spirit and I read on. I began to really study the scriptures, and use prayer. I finally prayed and asked if the LDS church had fallen into apostasy and I was told that it had. I had a burning of the truth of this as if it were from the eternities.
I spoke to my Bishop about this. He could give me no answers; he just spoke gibberish.
I came to Manti to hear Jim Harmston teach a two day class on the fullness of the Gospel and was astonished at the truth I heard. My soul began to fill up as my questions were answered and the true gospel plan of our Lord and Redeemer began to be unfolded before me. The emptiness was filled with the Spirit of the Lord as it bore witness to my soul that God's people were here.
I now live in Manti, Utah, and belong to the True and Living Church of Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days. I am part of a family who I know and love as my eternal family. I have an eternal companion whose God is first and foremost in his mind and heart and whose focus is not on the things of the world but on the will of his God and Father.
I know that Jesus is the Christ, and that his Father is Adam. I also believe that to live in a Celestial world we must be tested in Celestial principles here on earth. I am very grateful to be given the opportunity in this lifetime to learn of the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to be given the opportunity to strive to live it to its fullest.
Darcie Cloward Smith